I have always had some health issues in my life. I have been in and out of hospitals more than I can count. Years before I got married, I was told that I may never have kids. After I got married we had all the usual and un-usual tests run to see what was wrong and why I kept having such horrible cycles. I would pass out frequently and throw up lots during each and every cycle and have horrible cramps…. So once we decided we were going to have kids, the heavy heart, soul, etc was already there as we knew it may never happen for us. What we were not prepared for was the highs and lows of what was to come.
I have had eight miscarriages. LOTS of yells and talks with God. After my fourth miscarriage, I was even encouraged to have a hysterectomy. I remember all too well the “pain and happiness” felt for those around me who were expecting. I remember EVERYONE I knew was either expecting or just had a baby! It seemed that no matter where I went, where I looked, what I did, “they” were everywhere. I prayed and fasted and did everything in “my power” to try to have my own. My husband HATED to see me in such pain emotionally and physically. So we finally had decided that we would give one last thing a try…for me, an acupuncturist helped.
When I finally did get pregnant, and carried to term (twice!) I did not have easy pregnancies and had many scares along the way! But I do have two amazing boys both healthy and very happy…16 months apart.
This is what I have learned through this horrible and great journey. Life is not always what we want or expect. God does hear and answers our prayers. Sometimes we do not like or accept the answers. There is always someone out there to talk to, lean on and cry with. It is ok to feel both pain and joy at the same time…it does not make you any less of a person! I do not even remotely understand why this has to happen to women…why some “who should not” are blessed in abundance and those that “should” have none. I wish I knew the answers and could find that illusive “magic wand!”
It does do crazy things to the hormones and also to you mentally; but God has and IS helping me cope! There are still MANY days that I wonder…what if…but I am learning not to dwell and to be ok! STILL a work in progress. I know that even though the pregnancies were so hard that I am indeed the most blessed lady ever! As hard as it is…no matter what, know that God is on your side and He will be with you no matter what!
If you have any questions for Chelli or would like to submit a story yourself, please let me know by filling out the form below. Chelli thank you so much for sharing your story! Love you girl!
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