Rejoice in Suffering? Ugh.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because We know that suffering produces endurance; endurance, character, and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us. ~ Romans 5: 4-5

It took me a long time to be able to appreciate this bible verse – and I will admit that I still have a hard time with it – a lot, actually. I have a hard time “rejoicing in my suffering” or expecting anyone else to do so. I truly believe that absolutely any person on this earth will tell you they wished they did not have to suffer. We wish that for them, too – we wish that for ourselves.

I write every post within this blog with the intent on giving hope and understanding to other women while at the same time, finding some healing for myself. I do lots of reading. I look for just the right scripture to reach out. I try to convey just the right perspective to inspire some hope. And almost every single time I search for scripture, I come across one or two that convey the message, like the scripture above, that we should somehow be thankful for our misery and rejoice in our suffering.

I have, in all honesty, avoided scriptures such as these like the plague.

Why? Not because I’m afraid of you guys leaving comments telling me to “stuff it” – well, okay maybe a little bit of that. But mostly because I just couldn’t back it up. How could I ever give anyone the advice to “be glad you are miserable” when I know good and well that it sucks to be miserable?

So tell me, what rejoicing has come from my having miscarriages and having suffered through devastation and depression while trying to conceive?

Is it so I could grow a bitterness in my heart from the paralyzing fear that I would never be a mother? – Surely not.

Is it so I could wake up mad and frustrated every morning? – No.

Is it so that I could reach out to other women to offer understanding? – Maybe.

Is it so that I will have a particularly extraordinary love and appreciation for the baby girl we adopted? – Now I think we’re getting somewhere.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~ James 1:2-4

I am a mother today, finally, because Josh and I were given an amazing opportunity to adopt a beautiful girl from a beautiful young woman.

So many of us are going through so much – putting our bodies through so much – stretching the limits of our sanity.

My message to you today is don’t stop. Don’t give up.

But more importantly – don’t close your mind to opportunity. Listen to your heart. Listen to the world around you.

If you think Yoga will help – do Yoga.

If you think acupuncture might be a solution – do acupuncture.

If you have an opportunity and the means – do it.

Chase it.

Do it.

Just never close your mind. Never close your heart.

Nothing is worth shutting the door on your dream of loving a child.

Nothing.

Read it again – Nothing.

Dear Lord, You know how desperate I am today. You know that my faith has wavered. Although I want to trust You, I’m having trouble doing so. I ask for Your intervention in my situation, and for an increase of my faith while I wait. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

And Jesus answered them,  “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. ~ Matthew 21:21

Pick up your mountain and chunk it.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13

Believe this.