Put ‘Em Up, Infertility

In a recent bible study, we were asked to come up with an analogy to describe our lives. For example, life is like a roller coaster – ups, downs, dizzying turns, etc.

Initially, I had a hard time with this one. Everything sounded so cliched and forced. My family has always said if there wasn’t a hard way to do something, I would never get anything done. I thought about this, and about the lengths I have gone through to reach goals in my life.

I decided, for me, life is like a boxing match. I’m a fighter. When I see a goal in my life that I want to accomplish, it begins to overtake my thoughts and my actions. Like any boxer, I get to know my opponent before I get in the ring. I do lots of research and find out ahead of time what skills I’m going to need to defeat the obstacles ahead of me in order to accomplish my goal. Then, when the time comes, I go tearing into the ring, head down, elbows out, fighting my way through one battle after another. Lots of times it may appear I’m losing, but just like any good heart-driven underdog, I pull out all the stops and fight to my win.

Infertility changed all of this. I was suddenly standing in front of a vile and sinister opponent, so tall that it blocked the sun from my life and so unyielding that I absolutely could not fight my way through.  And I began to realize that no amount of researching or training or dieting or lifestyle changes or outside influences could improve my odds. I found myself fighting a losing battle.

Admitting defeat is something that I don’t deal with very well. Defeat angers me. Defeat deflates my passion and my will. To face this defeat two weeks at a time, month after month, year after year, is something I am not naturally wired to handle.

No woman is. No woman ever will be.

So what is about me, about you, about other women faced with infertility that can never falter?

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

We are strong. We have hope. We will continue fighting this battle against infertility even when we find ourselves susceptible to insensitive comments. We continue fighting even when we find ourselves battling depression.

As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. ~ Psalm 138:3

We pull ourselves through the darkness to the other side, get up, take a breath and get back in the fight.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. ~ Isaiah 40:29

We are determined. We are brave. We are fighters.

All you who put your hope in the Lord be strong and brave. ~ Psalm 31:24

Don’t lose heart.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart…” Proverbs 3:5

…and you will find all of the strength you need.

I still believe.

Keep those gloves up girls!

Dear Lord, When anger takes hold and makes my head spin, help me focus. When frustration blocks all rational thoughts in my mind, help me find peace. When I find myself sinking into depression, restore courage to my heart. Lord I ask daily that you renew my strength, restore my faith, and stay beside me as I continue this journey. Guide me in the direction of Your will. Thank you for the understanding men and women you have placed in my path. Thank you for this spirit of unity among us as we battle infertility together. Thank you for the prayer warriors you place in our paths, and for the people in our lives who love us and who are a constant support in our corner of the ring. Thank you for strength in knowing that as long as you are with us, nothing can truly defeat us. In Your Holy Name, Amen.